Slow Down

I have had different types of romantic relationships. I have went out with different kinds of people — some worth remembering and some that just really needs to be forgotten lit on fire and killed on the spot. (lol jk. no bitterness here *wink)

I don’t really believe in courtship. Before, I don’t get why girls seem to play hard to get when a guys likes them. I don’t really believe in prolonging the ligawan phase — i thought that if you really like each other, why not start dating and start the relationship — that way, you get to learn more about the person, you get to know them better, in a much more personal level.

But after all the shitty-ness that I have had because of my past “relationships,” I now understand why, why we have to get to know the person more before we commit. I learned how important being committed is. That you have to learn how they really are first. You have to see how they react to certain situations, to see how they respond to issues.

I learned that I should not jump in once I see a potential — I should test the waters first, then slowly submerge myself once I feel that it’s right. Slowly. Slowly submerge myself.

And now, I am easing myself to a world where I don’t need to rush things. I learned to savor the feelings that come my way, to see if it won’t be shitty again — to see if we’re a perfect fit.

I am trying hard to slow down for this one person — I don’t want to send this spiraling downwards again because of bullshit reasons. I will slow down, get to know him as much as I can, see how he reacts to as many scenarios that I can imagine before I submerge myself. Before I commit.

The funny thing is, he seems to be enjoying himself proving to me how deserving he is. He likes making me feel like a princess — making me feel wanted, making me feel loved.

He responds naturally once I present certain situations, even ones that are reeeaaally irritating. I try to get him angry, I try to get him to leave — but he’s still here.

All his efforts are not dying down — and it makes me feel good. I feel really happy that I chose not to rush. I missed the attention, I missed being pampered.

But I know that when the right time comes, I will be ready to commit again. Once I see that there’s no bs, that he’s true to himself, that his feelings are genuine, I would not let go. I’m going to make sure that this slowness doesn’t go to waste. (weeeell, if he’s worth it. *wink wink)

xo

Slow Down

Friendzone

Being in the friendzone is not always a bad thing.

Staying friends with someone you deeply care about is not a crime.

No matter how much you want to be with that person, having them as a friend — a really close one — would be the best bet.

I realized that being in the “friendzone” does not mean that you are rejected. This could mean so much more but people tend to look at it rather negatively. Looking at it at a positive perspective, isn’t staying as friends give you more time to be together? Isn’t it a way to make your relationship deeper and longer?

S/he may have a significant other as of the moment, but you as a friend would always be there, no matter what happens to their relationship. Especially when you have been friends long before their relationship even started.

It’s like seeing someone in the “front porch test” — you know you want to have them there for the rest of your life and you’re satisfied with that. You just want them there, present, no matter who they become and no matter who they are with. That your want to be with that person does not equate to you being together as a couple, but you two just being together. Period. Isn’t that much more special?

I realized that there are people in my life who have always been there. There’s someone special who I know I would want to still have in the future. But, given the chance to be with them romantically, or to have a legit relationship with that person, I still would not take it. I am in a point where I would not risk the friendship that we have and turn it into something unsure. I don’t want a future where he’s not there. I don’t want a future where he’s not there because we fucked up somewhere in the relationship.

I want a stable friendship where I m sure that he will still be there with me years into the future. I want to see our kids together, our families. Us, still together after all those years.

Being in the friendzone, and choosing to stay in the friendzone is not always a bad thing.

Friendzone

Temporary People

We meet a lot of temporary people,
People who impart permanent life lessons.

Sometimes we forget that not everyone we meet will be a permanent part of our life;
Sometimes we forget that people fade away.

There will be instances when we think a person would last,
Instances where we find ourselves fighting for a person — fighting to keep them, to not let them go.

But we should not allow ourselves to be eaten alive by these instances,
We have to learn to move on — to move with life and just let these people pass.

Yes, there may be people worth keeping.
But timing could be a bitch sometimes;
Maybe the current circumstance is not allowing you to make this person permanent.
Everything else might be perfect, but the situation may not be.

And if this happens, we have to let go.
Move with what life is allowing you to.

If that person is meant to be permanent, s/he would find a way back to your life;
Back to you when everything is perfectly aligned.

And maybe, just maybe, s/he could be permanent.

Temporary People

Life Update 💋

It has been too long since I have genuinely felt happy.

I am a happy person.
I was a happy person.
I do have anxiety, but I make it a point to laugh even once every day.

Laugh at my own corny jokes.
Laugh with others, at others.
Laugh with my co-workers — about certain issues not really to be made fun of (hehe).

But recently, I have been out of my game.
I end a day without a laugh, without even a chuckle.
I managed to not do any jokes, I managed to not make fun of others.

As a happy person, I was really REALLY out of my game.

Being too immersed with the recent situation at work has made me stressed.
My stressed levels were off the charts.
Anxiety attacks, here and there — all too often.
Blackouts — rare; and not to worry, I’m still alive and safe! (smile emoticon)

I guess taking a breather helped me stand up again.
It helped me – little by little – to get back on the game.
I began to catch up on shows I haven’t touched in months.
I watched a lot of movies – thanks to someone who has a great taste in movies (👌).
I do jokes again, though they may still be corny.

I had laughs every single day of my vacation – for three (or more?) straight days; I was laughing my ass off.
I was genuinely happy.

It turns out, I just needed a push.
I just needed to let out all those that were bothering me.
I just needed to take a break and take in life.
I just needed to relax, talk to people – people who are not stressed in any way.

And it all helped.
Every scenario from the day of my vacation up until today has led me to being happy.

I may not be as happy as I was before.
I may not let go of some of the anxiety and stress.
But I am thankful.

Thankful that I got to learn something new about myself.
Thankful that I got to know people who can make me laugh.
Thankful.
I’m just so darn thankful, for life.

Life Update 💋

The #EDSAwonderfulday Project

I never thought I would do this.
I was never really the person who wants to interact with others.
I was never really the person who makes people happy.
I never thought doing this would make me happy in return.

Though the project has not started yet (first note last night! yey!), I feel giddy thinking how this could affect other people.
I feel happy that even though issues are pretty much constant in my life, I get to make other people smile.
To make them feel that they are not alone, that there are some people who care, people who share the same endeavours.

Even if this is just a tiny act – I hope it would make somebody’s day.
I hope it would bring smiles and even get passed on to others.

I never thought this idea would be plausible – good thing I have a friend willing to help and come up with a better plan to do it!

I promise to continue this.
I promise to really do this.
I promise to myself – that I would make other people smile…one note at a time.

(visit my tumblr for the first note story: livingondaydreamsx.tumblr.com)

The #EDSAwonderfulday Project

As always

I am beginning to think that the universe is forcing me to be one with myself.

I did not plan to be alone today,
I did not plan to think a lot today.

I was expecting company by this time,
I was expecting that I won’t have time for myself.

I assumed that I won’t be bothered by my own thoughts,
I assumed that I would be consumed with the conversations among friends –
that I won’t get to have any with myself, that I won’t get to feel.

Now it’s too late.
It’s too late to ignore the fact that I am here alone.
Sitting, wondering.
Alone with my thoughts.
Alone with my feelings.
Alone. As always.

As always

A day in the life of a daydreamer

Every single day I think about why I am still alive,
I think about all the things I am going through and all the different moods that I had the whole day.
It makes me wonder how I could’ve lived through all those,
How I got through them all without dying or hurting myself.

I had a bad phase when I stopped writing,
I had all these emotions bottled up and all that I could think of was to hurt – emotionally and physically.

I asked myself if daydreaming keeps me sane,
Maybe it does.
Daydreaming helps me hope – hope that everything could be better.
To believe that everything WOULD be better.

I am living off of the scenarios that I create –
once my mind has an empty space for a narrative, all these stories comes out of nowhere –
stories I tell myself just to smile –
just to make myself believe that one day it would be better.

That one day I would find myself smiling because of something that’s real.
That one day I would not have any time to daydream because I am enjoying life as it is.
That one day I can be happier in real life.
That one day, it really got better.

A day in the life of a daydreamer